November 5, 2012

Figuring out life...I think.



I guess now would be an appropriate time to fill you in on my life. College life makes me such a bad blogger. Oops.

In a nutshell, I have been just living the life. Soccer finally came to a close, which I am not mad about. I actually have a taste of free time now. I started working regularly again; goodness I am so happy to be working. I have always been one of those odd people who likes to stay busy and work. Weird I know.

This past semester has taught me a lot about myself. I like the fact I am figuring out my place and meaning in this world. It’s a content feeling. Here is what I have discovered so far –

One. I am a pretty moody person and little things irritate me that probably shouldn’t. On the contrary, I am easily satisfied. It doesn’t take a whole lot to make me happy. I like being happy. Most importantly I can make myself happy. I have always considered myself a pretty independent girl, but it wasn’t until these past couple of months that I realized how independent I actually am. I don’t need anyone to be happy; a person does not define happiness. You, yourself, create your own definition of bliss.

Two. My family and friends are my biggest support system. Without them I would not be where I am today. Not until recently have I truly understood how much these people mean to me. I have found out who my friends are. When I was younger I loved being friends with everyone. Now, I have my friends, a select few, and that’s enough for me. My parents go above and beyond for me and their words of wisdom keep me pushing. My brothers and I have grown closer than ever, especially the relationship with my oldest brother. He is my best friend. My family always knew I had a curious soul that wanted to explore everything the world has to offer. I never thought I would be one to get homesick, but I find myself missing home more and more as the days go by. I think I realized that I am growing up and sooner than later; I will have my own place to call home. Until then, let me be homesick, stock up on toilet paper, have my mom do my laundry for every visit home.

Three. I have had a hell of a life. These past few years have been some of the best years of my life and I have made great memories. There is not one regret.

Four. I truly have no idea what I want to do with my life. After college, I don’t know what I want to do or where to go. This terrifies me.

Five. I have a wall a mile high that I force people to crawl over. For those that have endured the challenge, they found how big my heart is. Those people, I would do anything for.

Six. I hate doing dishes. And bills.

October 23, 2012

October 16, 2012

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Steel Magnolias

In occasion of the new Lifetime attempted remake of Steel Magnolias and my obsession with reading the EINTKILF from HelloGiggles, I decided to share what Steel Magnolias has taught me. Growing up, the older women (grandmother, mother, aunts, exc.) would watch this at every family gathering that had a television set available. It was beat into my head as a small child that this is the ultimate chick flick. Me having only one fixation at the time could have cared less to watch some movie that always ended the same, a swarm of women crying. As I grew older, I was sucked into watching it and soon enough it became my favorite movie. I learned a lot from those six women with the thick, southern drawl. Now I may or may not be guilty of watching Steel Magnolias multiple times a day. Oh, my fixation was Barney by the way. I have made a major improvement since then.

1.  You cannot remake Steel Magnolias.
First and foremost, I was utterly appalled when I first heard about the remake. I wanted to cry, actually I may have cried. The original cast was a recipe for success with the actress lineup. I mean with Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts, Daryl Hannah, and Olympia Dukakis all wrapped in one movie, they set the bar high for anyone who wanted to think about remaking it. You go Herbert Ross. Basically it needs to be a written law that no one can remake Steel Magnolias. Nice try Lifetime. Better luck next time remakers.

2.  Pink is every girl’s signature color.
Who would have thunk it, there is a difference between blush and bashful? I guess women to have an eye for color. Whether you like the color pink or not, hues of pink are satisfying to the eye and compliment well. Even if you don't like the color, I bet you look good in it. Don't you? Just don’t dress like you hosed yourself down with Pepto-Bismol, unless that is the style you are going for.

3.  All gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
This is true, on all accounts. If you beg to differ, then you’re wrong. Mark, Rick, or Steve lied to you. They’re gay. Think about it, do they have track lighting? Yep, thought so.

4.  Lycra is your friend.
If you plan on wearing something tight, I am begging you to throw on some spandex. It just sucks everything in and holds it in place. You will thank me later when the pictures are posted online. Also, give a big thanks to Dolly Parton for teaching those her ways. You're welcome.

5.  Cakes shaped like animals are cool.
Seriously though. Cakes are the new fad these days. The weirder they are, the bolder they look, the better. Nothing beats out the #1 spot for most original than an armadillo grooms cake. A cake with gray icing and red innards just screams for awesomeness. I want one at my wedding. That is only IF I find a man that will put up with my uncanny character. Yeah probably not gonna happen, I am forever alone. But that is okay. I will just call up Aunt Fern to deliver an armadillo cake to every wedding I attend. Consider it as a gift.

6.  Mothers want nothing more than their children to be happy.
This is true. Mothers have an indescribable bond with their daughters. No other relationship can match it. Moms even love you during your adolescent middle school days, where no one likes you and you don’t even like yourself. This movie portrayed the mother-daughter relationship to a T. Way to go Sally Field. Spoiler Alert – When Julia Roberts gets admitted into the hospital, Sally Field never leaves her side because she is afraid that she may wake up, maybe even just for a minute, and she won’t be there to hold her hand. Mega-Spoiler-Alert – Then after Julia Robert’s funeral (My heart will bear a gapping hole the day Julia Roberts and that smile passes) Sally Field is overcome with grief and realization of the loss of her daughter and I just sob with her. I look like a 5 year old that just had her favorite Barbie ran over by a semi. Mothers are always prepared to go first. I couldn’t fathom the feeling of losing a child. Steel Magnolias always reminds me that a great woman has raised me. Much love Mom.

7.  Big hair-dos resembled football helmets.
I am sorry 80s fashion. You did this to yourself. I am sure years from now I will look back at my hair now and say, “What was I thinking?” But at least I can say that my hair never resembled a football helmet. You can’t get much worse than that can you? Nope, didn’t think so. On the contrary, Sally Field, you rocked that brown football helmet. Own that up do, girl.

8.  People will love you, regardless.
Just look at Shirley MacLaine. She may be the grouchiest woman that has ever roamed the earth and puts us all to shame with her everlasting PMS cycle, but she still has friends that love her. She comes in a close tie with Sally Field for my favorite character of the film. One of my favorite lines of the whole move is in regards of her oh so sassy personality – “Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today, you run over a small child or something?” I totally have my Ouiser-esque days, and I am not ashamed of it. Just keep this in mind, if you ever think that no one cares for you, think twice, they do. If the feeling of loneliness still persists, maybe you should turn down the bitch-o-meter a bit. If you still have no one that loves you, and you are saying to yourself right now, “I am not a bitch.” News flash, you are. Get over yourself. No one likes a bitch, unless you’re Shirley MacLaine as Ouiser Boudreaux.

9.  Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
In all honesty, I had zero clue who Anne Boleyn was prior to watching this film. Lets face it; the film was released before I was even a fragment of an imagination to my parents. But at least after watching it, I learned a great fact that could help me out with future trivia questions. Watch out Jeopardy! 

10.   “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”
We have been told this all our life, whether it was in relation to death, school, breakups, or whatever else calls for the slogan. It’s true, no matter how low we may be; keep on pushing because there is nowhere to go but up. In the end, it will only make you wiser. So, if there is ever a time where you feel the urge to throw in the towel, don’t. You will over come the predicament at hand.

Steel Magnolias is a classic chick flick that will always reign as a top movie pick for myself. These women taught me valuable lessons that I would have otherwise longed without. Thank you. I will automatically judge someone on their opinion of the movie, which means, if you hate SM, I hate you. Get it? My future hubby will have to fully accept me watching this film on a regular basis, if not, you're as dead to me as armadillos grooms cake.

October 1, 2012

My Mom, The Pinterest Woman.

a little blury, but I love this picture of me and my mama

Come to think of it, my mother is the ultimate Pinterester. If we would all go back and relive her early 20-30 days, she would be a walking Pinterest board. Actually, I wouldn't put it past my mom that she herself created Pinterest. The only thing assuring me that she isn't the great Pinterest creator, is that she isn't the savviest social media mom on the planet. Pinterest is labeled as a social media engine, right?

My mother majored in fashion merchandizing in college, so you know she made a majority of her own clothes. So you know that if she can sew her wardrobe, that she is crafty as hell. Crafts is the highest level on the Pinterest hierarchy, and fashion falls a close second. She loves to read, loves it. If she can't read, then she listens to books on tape in the car. She is the poster mom for book worm. She cannot drink coffee fast enough and is a royal pain if she doesn't have a cup first thing in the morning. An iv drip of coffee should just be added to her daily life.

Then when is comes to food, she brings a whole new level of talent. She makes just about everything from scratch and canning anything comes second nature to her. My mother cans her homemade jelly (every flavor imaginable), salsa, corn, green beans, tomatoes, fruit, and more. You know Pinterest goers eat that type of shit up. If you can look classy and cook, you are an immediate Pinterest celebrity.

Oh, and she takes a crap load of pictures. Yep, definitely Pinterest material. She is what everyone aspires to be.

My mother is practically super mom.

September 26, 2012

You're Fucking Welcome.


I found this online and figured it was appropriate to share. Enjoy it. Love it. Learn from it.
"Dear Fellow Female Population,
Stop being such pussies.
Really.
Do you understand how painful it is for me to go on Pinterest with all of you bitches on there? I just want to login really quickly and find a good mixed drink recipe for the weekend, and I have to see all of you crying and complaining all over the place like being a girl is the biggest fucking travesty in the world and no one understands you. This goes for Facebook and Twitter as well. Why are all of my social media accounts clogged with song lyrics, passive aggressive insults, and inquiries on where all the good guys have gone? You are no longer emotional teenagers that don’t understand how stupid you look, so you no longer get a pass for this ridiculous behavior. Time to man the fuck up, bitches. Because, honestly, you’re all agonizingly dragging our gender to the ground. I’ve taken it upon myself to give you a list of a few simple things to do that will help you stop sucking so much. You’re fucking welcome.
1)   For the love of God, please stop wishing that you could date Christian Grey. Apart from his sexual skills, he is one of the biggest pussies I’ve ever read about. Seriously. When Ana first described his dick, I literally spit out my drink, because I’d been assuming he actually didn’t have one. It took me by complete surprise. While I enjoyed reading most of the sex scenes, it was totally not worth it when the rest of the book made me want to puke all over my Kindle. I’ll just watch sub/dom porn and spare myself from all the Christian – Ana bullshit you all seem to be obsessed with, thank you very much. Why do all you ladies want someone who stalks the shit out of you and becomes weirdly obsessed with you and has a super gay interest in classical music? Because, let’s face it, ladies, you can pretend all you want that you’re classy like that, but we all know the last time you listened to Mozart was in your 5th grade music class. Get over yourselves. And get over 50 Shades of Grey. It’s pathetic.
2)   Stop acting like being a female is so fucking difficult. “We get paid less, no one takes us seriously, blah blah blah.” Maybe if you pulled your heads out of your asses, people would take you more seriously. I’ve found being female to be one of the easiest things on the goddamn planet. Let’s start with the obvious one. Free shit. All. The. Time. You want to know how much I spend every weekend on booze? Just the cost of my cheap pregame bottle. Then I stroll into a bar, and let the drinks start flowing my way. Sorry, but I’d rather get free drinks from hot guys all night long then get paid 10% more at my job. And if you disagree, you obviously need to check your priorities. Another great female bonus? Sex. Guys love being dominant and you should love it when they are. It makes everything so much easier for us. They tell you what to do, and you do it. It always feels good, and you don’t have to think about anything. To me, that’s fucking awesome. No wonder so many guys have performance anxiety.
3)   One of the most annoying things to hear is “Why can’t I just find a guy who loves me, cuddles with me, buys me pretty things, and will turn the game off to talk about my day.” Oh my god, do realize how ridiculous you sound? That’d be like guys posting statuses that say “Why can’t I just find a girl who will fuck me like a porn star every few hours throughout the day, cooks every meal for me, brings me beer when she comes home, and disappears when the game’s on.” Yes, it’s a nice fantasy, but that’s all it is. A fantasy. So stop acting like there is some guy out there who is like that, because even if there is, chances are he’s either extremely boring or gay.
4)   Stop taking everything so seriously. You are in college. The fact that you all seem to be on some quest to find a boyfriend is just pathetic. Why do you want one? Now’s your chance to fuck the guys who are complete assholes, but you can tell they’re good in bed. Look past their douchebag frat-y style and attitude for a few hours at the bar, go back with them, have a great fucking time, then get the hell out and don’t talk to them again. You didn’t use them for their minds; you used them for their body. Realize that, and respect that.
Well ladies, I could go on, but I feel a little guilty for tearing apart my own gender, so I’m done. Think about what I said, though. And remember, every girl should choose a Christian Louboutin over a Christian Grey. Pumps over pussies."

September 17, 2012

When It Comes To Writing Papers.


I am sitting here on a Sunday night, procrastinating it up like a pro. Actually, I am pretty far ahead in most of my classes, except one. It's an 8AM so it's a rough one. So far this semester, I am loving all of my classes, which include: Graphic Design III, Digital Photography, Advanced Drawing, Health and Ethics of Society, Computer Literacy, and The Study of Alaskan Eskimos.

Computer Literacy is a bird course I need as a gen ed, that I probably should have taken my freshman year, but didn't. And as for the Alaskan Eskimo class, I don't know what to think about it just yet. It is a lot of busy work. Though, I am just taking it because it is an upper-level and I thought it seemed kind of interesting. Okay, lets be honest, I need upper-levels to graduate on time and it was the only one that fit into my schedule that sounded like I wouldn't break my GPA.

The point of this blog though is to A. get back on my feet in the blogging world and B. because I am currently writing my roommate's paper. Well, she is technically writing it, but she is having me revise it, and everything is borderline horrible. So, I am just rewriting the whole thing paragraph by paragraph as she is typing along. I must give it to her, I have never seen anyone try to hard and still write an awful paper.

I by no means hold my head high and think I am all-knowing grammatically or a wanna-be-english-major. I am sure it shows in my posts. Actually, I may be the worst speller on the planet, better yet, universe. I am the worst speller of all time. However, I am confident enough that I can, indeed, write a pretty compelling paper. Right now she could use any help that she can get. And coffee, she needs a whole hell of a lot of coffee.

I’m such a good friend. And I kind of like writing papers.

September 11, 2012

Jumbled Ramblings.



I figured since I have been the utmost, worst blogger on the face of the plant, that I owe it to myself and my readers (which I realize probably consists of no more than three people) a post about my life. I will give you a speedy-quick recap of my life.

Weekdays: Class, Eat, Class Again, Soccer Practice, Eat, Sleep
Weekends: Bus Ride, Eat, Soccer Game, Eat, Sleep, Rest ALL DAY SAYURDAY & DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING PRODUCTIVE (aka sleep/watch lifetime), Eat, Soccer Game, Eat, Drive Home (attempt to sleep on the bus)

Can I tell you though; freshman boys (at least this new group we got this year) are the most annoying species on the face of the planet. They never shut up. Ever. The end.

Today, I woke up early in hopes that I could actually look like a human being instead sharing a close resemblance to a homeless man holding a sign on the side of the road. I even curled my hair and put on lipstick, so you know shit got real. But, of course I don’t know how to manage my time when I actually do want to prove to the world I own other things besides t-shirts and that I can brush my hair. I ended up being 20 minutes late to my 8am class. Have you, the only class I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays is my 8am class. What was I thinking?? Anyways, I strolled into class 20+ minutes late, and what do you know, no one showed up except the professor and I. Damn it.

Also, these pictures I took in the mac lab, since no one showed up and I wanted to share with you proof I dressed up.

Awkward moment, when you are taking the photos in the lab and the cute boy that sits next to you shows up. And you are writing a blog. Gah.

August 10, 2012

This Past Summer.

"Change, more than anything else, is what the human mind fears the most"

This past summer, this unbelievable, dream of a summer, has sadly come to a close. I thank those who took part into making this summer fabulous. I will forever remember days spent out on the boat, late night sushi, memories in the city, time spent with friends, and much more. I have loved this summer and I am sad for it to end, though I am ready to go back to school.

But, leaving the summer behind is a form of growing up. The night before I left to go back to school, I had a slight breakdown (thankfully Nick was there to calm my nerves). Time finally caught up to me and made me realize how much life has changed, how much I have changed. I was leaving home to more into an apartment, making it my last night at home. My last night in my own bed, my last night with my family, my last night with my friends. However, the only thing I could bring myself to do, was to sulk in my bed and cry. I knew this year was going to be so much different from the rest. I was now, officially on my own, I left my nest. My mom is now in the process of changing my childhood room into a room for my youngest brother. My pink room will be turned into some boyish color with a new boy-like bed spread and all of my pictures, earnings, and trophies will be removed from the walls and shelves. It is no longer my room, I no longer have my place.

I am leaving behind my home, my best friend, and my boyfriend. My best friend will be leaving for Spain at the end of the month for 10 months, and I have not yet come to terms with that. I will be missing her 21st birthday and she will be missing mine. I won't be able to send her random texts, discuss HP life lessons, phone her when I need some clarity, or bid her off when she is leaving for the biggest adventure of her life thus far. Please don't take me the wrong way, because I am unbelievably happy and excited for her. It is going to be such an experience and she is going to love every moment of it. Spain is where she is supposed to be. Maybe she will even find a Spain boy out there (I hope she does, she deserves a great boy). It just sucks to be away from your best friend for that long, I am already dreading it and she hasn't even left yet.

Coming to terms with all I am leaving behind I hit a wall running at full speed. I was put in my place, the place where you realize you are growing up and you can't stop it. I don't want to grow up. I am not ready to give over my room, I am not ready for my best friend to leave for Spain, and I am not ready to be away from my boyfriend. I am not ready to be away from Nick, to test our relationship. I liked summer, I liked where we were. This summer taught us a lot about ourselves and each other. He is one of the most beautiful beings I have ever grown to know. I love this boy, not only as my boyfriend, not only as a friend, but I love him as a person. He has changed and shaped me in ways I have never thought were possible. His patience and heart, is something I admire most about him. I know that things between us will be stretched and tested while I am in school. Especially since right now being the busiest time of my life, considering I am a fall collegiate athlete with a full class load and a job. But I know that must there ever be a time where I am having doubt, second thoughts, insecurities, he will be there to pick me up and clear my head and I will forever be thankful for that. I will forever be thankful for him.

I am trying to come to terms with letting go of things you cannot change: life. Life is forever changing and there is no stopping it; it's a constant moving train with no place to get off. It hurts to grow, it hurts to accept change, and anybody who tells you it doesn't, lied. Sometimes, the more you change, the more things stay the same, and sometimes, change is everything.

July 24, 2012

I Need Your Help!

I am currently an intern working for a company called trustaff. We have entered into The Business Journal's Social Madness Challenge. We just recently beat out everyone in our city bracket and have moved onto the National Competition! This is where you come in. We need your help, I need your help. If you could take a moment and vote for us, I would greatly appreciate it! We are listed on the Social Madness bracket under "Medium Companies" and are location on the right side, 3rd bracket down. You can vote for us there, like us on Facebook, follow us on twitter, and connect with us on LinkedIn. Help a sista out please! I will send much love your way if you do! 

July 23, 2012

The Verdict Is In...

For as long as I can remember, I have despised tea. I hate all tea, any kind, any flavor. I have tried it multiple times throughout my life and my taste buds have refused to shift. It wasn’t until recently that I have actually wanted to like tea. I want to shop around and buy different flavors; I want to sip on it during the day; I want to blog about it; I WANT TO LIKE TEA. I have tried to convince myself to like it, but it doesn’t work. Honestly, I am jealous of all you tea drinkers out there. I am envious of your perfect mug filled with assortments of herbal teas. I wish I liked tea because, quite frankly, tea makes you cool!

A couple weeks ago some friends and I traveled to downtown (you can read about the visit(s) here) and we stopped by the local fine tea shop. There were hundreds of tea options to choose from. I loved being surrounded with the aromas and smelling all of the herbs.

I ended up falling in love with one of the teas, Caramel & Almond Black Tea, and besides my great odium for tea, I bought it. It was so out of my element, but I was determined to try it.

So tonight, I finally built up the courage to make myself a steaming cup of it…and…I LOVED IT. One of The Bests told me to add milk (which I substituted for half and half) and sugar. It was perfect. This is the first baby step on the journey of accepting the greatness of tea.

I give all of my thanks to Churchhill's Fine Teas for turning my taste buds in the tea direction. Check them out, I promise you won't be unsatisfied.

July 19, 2012

The Blog Got A Face Lift

I have been contemplating on changing my blog theme for awhile now, I just never really wanted to put in the effort it takes to do a total blog make over. Since I work as a graphic designer, I need small tasks that I can go to when that step away from what I'm working on moment comes. I need that time to focus and regroup. Well, as I stepped away from an ongoing project, I didn’t know where to go and my brain was in a slump. I figured I might try out some new blog designs. And that’s where this mustard yellow and gray (or grey?) began. I have been smitten with mustard yellow lately. I even ordered my new bedding for my apartment in a chevron, mustard yellow pattern. I lurve it and I home you lurve it too!

Also, ah I forgot to mention! I have new pages. Whoo. There is one titled "Favorites," which is home to all of my favorite posts. Read them if you like. There is also "Portfolio." I figured since I was an art student I should probably have a section to showcase all of my work. Since the fall semester is coming up I figured it is a perfect time to include that to my overall layout.

There are some cool other new clickable stuff. Just look around.

Isn't yellow so bright and cheery? It makes me happy.

July 17, 2012

Life On The Outskirts Of The City.


Growing up, I have always lived outside the city. It was always an adventure to drive into downtown; I have always loved it. Just this summer I begin using the city for all it has to offer. I have seen more of downtown this summer than I ever have before. I have explored new restaurants, shops, hangouts and more. There is never a dull moment while being in the city. Aside from some crazies that you get from any city you venture to, it is a great city to be near. I live far enough to get that small town feel, but close enough to escape when I can.

Lately, my friends and I have been eating out downtown, A LOT. I don’t mind it though because I am never disappointed with a restaurant of choice. My favorite place we have been to lately was a bar & pub, and their specialty...hotdogs, of all things. I was blown away. Everything was so delicious. If I could, I would eat there every week. Everyone I went with ordered something different, and not one of us had a bad thing to eat.
The Lindsay Lohan Hotdog.
The next day we headed over to the market. There is just something about markets that I love with the fresh fruit and vegetables, flowers, little shops, and homemade soaps. There is this bread stand at the market that always has a huge line and sells out of bread within the first hour, well all I wanted was to try some of this bread. Unfortunately, when I went up to buy some, all he had were English muffins left. However, there was an order that no one had came to pick up yet and at the end of the day, if it was still there, it was mine. And guess what, IT WAS MINE! The guy never came and picked it up. Thank you forgetful sir for not picking up your bread. It is a potato rosemary bread. Oh so tasty, especially with a little mayo, basil and a tomato.

I bought tea while being at the market. For those of you that don’t know, I hate tea. I try so hard to like the flavor, but my taste buds won’t allow it. Well the tea I bought smelled so good that it made me want to drink it, so I figured I would give it a shot. I have still yet to try it, but I will let you know when I do.
We got our hands dotted on every part where our lines intersected on our hands for a project a group was doing. They are working on creating an entire night sky made up of constellation made up entirely of hand palms. 
My bread.

The Best Obituary I Have Ever Read.


"1953 - 2012

I was Born in Salt Lake City, March 27th 1953. I died of Throat Cancer on July 10th 2012. I went to six different grade schools, then to Churchill, Skyline and the U of U. I loved school, Salt Lake City, the mountains, Utah. I was a true Scientist. Electronics, chemistry, physics, auto mechanic, wood worker, artist, inventor, business man, ribald comedian, husband, brother, son, cat lover, cynic. I had a lot of fun. It was an honor for me to be friends with some truly great people. I thank you. I've had great joy living and playing with my dog, my cats and my parrot. But, the one special thing that made my spirit whole, is my long love and friendship with my remarkable wife, my beloved Mary Jane. I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely. Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled. I enjoyed one good life. Traveled to every place on earth that I ever wanted to go. Had every job that I wanted to have. Learned all that I wanted to learn. Fixed everything I wanted to fix. Eaten everything I wanted to eat. My life motto was: "Anything for a Laugh". Other mottos were "If you can break it, I can fix it", "Don't apply for a job, create one". I had three requirements for seeking a great job; 1 - All glory, 2 - Top pay, 3 - No work.

Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for. For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work. Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.

To the gang: We grew up in the very best time to grow up in the history of America. The best music, muscle cars, cheap gas, fun kegs, buying a car for "a buck a year" - before Salt Lake got ruined by over population and Lake Powell was brand new. TV was boring back then, so we went outside and actually had lives. We always tried to have as much fun as possible without doing harm to anybody - we did a good job at that.

If you are trying to decide if you knew me, this might help… My father was RD "Dale" Patterson, older brother "Stan" Patterson, and sister "Bunny" who died in a terrible car wreck when she was a Junior at Skyline. My mom "Ona" and brother "Don" are still alive and well. In college I worked at Vaughns Conoco on 45th South and 29th East. Mary and I are the ones who worked in Saudi Arabia for 8 years when we were young. Mary Jane is now a Fitness Instructor at Golds on Van Winkle - you might be one of her students - see what a lucky guy I am? Yeah, no kidding.

My regret is that I felt invincible when young and smoked cigarettes when I knew they were bad for me. Now, to make it worse, I have robbed my beloved Mary Jane of a decade or more of the two of us growing old together and laughing at all the thousands of simple things that we have come to enjoy and fill our lives with such happy words and moments. My pain is enormous, but it pales in comparison to watching my wife feel my pain as she lovingly cares for and comforts me. I feel such the "thief" now - for stealing so much from her - there is no pill I can take to erase that pain

If you knew me or not, dear reader, I am happy you got this far into my letter. I speak as a person who had a great life to look back on. My family is following my wishes that I not have a funeral or burial. If you knew me, remember me in your own way. If you want to live forever, then don't stop breathing, like I did."

July 10, 2012

Summer On The Lake

Oh buddy, this summer has flown by. Wahhh! Make it stop. I love this summer. It has been perfect in every aspect. I will share with you very soon once I am done editing (which I am doing now). Bright and early tomorrow I am leaving to head back down to school to sign my lease for my apartment. I am overly excited. I loaded my car down with as much apartment needs it could hold. I shall be on the road by morning. Good night.

P.S. I may or may not be working on a blog make over. I suppose you will just have to wait and find out.

July 6, 2012

Achieving Absolute Bliss


Sometimes, a series of events happen that opens our eyes to emotion, whether it be happiness, loneliness, greatness, wretchedness, or any other word you may use to describe your current disposition. I like to believe that I am generally a happy person, but just like any typical human being, I have my forlorn moments. There is no stopping the moments of complete discontent, it hits at full force, like a runaway train. The worst part about it, it takes me ages to crawl myself out of the rut I am in. Lately, the dark hole seems to be deepening farther every time and I must let time play on before I can find contentment again. There is no control over it. I've tried analyzing why now everything seems to be caving in? The soul answer I find myself coming back to is this...

The current chapter of my life is coming to a close. For the first time, I have come to the realization that my life is completely out of my hands. Have I accepted that idea? I don't think I have, which is the cause of my current predicament. Maybe years ago I should have known that yes, I have no control over anything in my life but the present. It hasn't been until recently that I have truly understand what that means.

When I was younger, I always knew where I would wind up in the upcoming years. Little did I know where actually, but I knew I was going to do it. I knew I was going to graduate high school and attend a college. The little details never bothered me then like they do today. Thinking back to my past makes me jealous of how easy life actually was then.

Now I am a junior in college, with so many obstacles in my present and future. I find myself questioning my every move, and I hate it. I have no clue what I want to do with my degree once I graduate, where I want to live, I know nothing about my future. Nothing is laid out before me like once before. Life is hard, and I am finally accepting that. I am scared for my future, because I want nothing more than to be successful, but I see nothing but "what if." What if, it's like word vomit and it constantly finds its place on the tip of my tongue. I'm afraid of inching too close to people, places or things – nouns I suppose –because I may get too attached to them. I want no distractions or anything to hold me back to what I want to achieve, my dreams. So, I keep those at arm's reach who may have the opportunity to become an obstacle. I have a permanent wall up that I keep building higher so no living thing can pass over it. It's a tactic that I have perfected over the years. It gives a sense of security and helps me avoid any situation what might end with me hurt. It's how I have always been. Because of my insecurities and uncertainty, I have built this barricade that I often hide behind.

My barrier built from my personal insecurities and uncertainty is often disguised with bad moods and unnecessary lash outs. I push people away to make sure that they don't get too close to my heart – I am a pro at that, it's my specialty. As soon as anything get too serious or too perfect I find myself fleeing from the situation. I have convinced myself that it's method is idea for the long run, I avoid hurting.

Maybe this is why I want nothing but a career for my future. I have zero desire for marriage, children, anything at all. I hate when discussions lead to topics such as those, it makes me nauseous, and I try to avoid them at all costs. Is this selfish of me? Very much so. But, then everything leads back to what if. I am afraid of commitment; I am afraid of failure. What if  I cannot live up to what is expected of me or reach what I have always wanted to obtain out of life. Without interruptions I cannot fail..right? I am terrified of change and right now life and personal changes are being thrown my way at rapid velocity. I can't handle it.

Will I ever be satisfied? I have no idea. I wish to put an end to my troubles and to slowly take down my wall. I want to let those deserved in, instead of pushing them away. I want to be smitten and completely swept off my feet. I want to love in return, wholeheartedly. But where do I begin? Currently, every little piece of my life has been building up, basically until I self-destruct. I am exhausted. Where can I find happiness? I haven't a clue, but I do know that I must search for it myself. It's inside of me, the strength to accept what I can't control and the contentment I have been hiding from. I just wish there was a map and key to help me out. No one can assist me, I must do it on my own. I must open up again; live my life as a slightly open book and wear my heart on my sleeve. That is such a huge task to ask myself to do, but I know there is no alternative if I want to achieve everything, including absolute bliss.

June 28, 2012

A Day At Great American Ball Park.



As I briefly stated yesterday, our corporate offices surprised us with a day out to the Cincinnati Reds game. It was such a surprised that no one expected, and with me being an intern, I was beside myself. I was so happy, I felt like a little kid going on my first fieldtrip ever! Getting paid to leave our office and spend the remainder of the day at a Reds game...uhhh THANK YOU! We were given 2 drinks of our choice before boarding the buses to head for downtown, along with our tickets and 2 free drink vouchers. Once we arrived, we found our designated area that was pretty much secluded for just our staff. Food and soft drinks were provided for us and there was an open bar to accommodate our needs throughout the game. It was such a treat to be able to leave the office and enjoy the day. Words cannot express how thankful I am for the opportunity, everything was so highly appreciated. 

June 27, 2012

Winning

So, I just wanted to share with you all that our corporate offices have been trying to seal the deal with the Reds and we finalized it today. And since we completed it...

WE ARE GONG TO THE REDS GAME FOR THE DAY!

June 21, 2012

HP Workout Is Awesome.


Awkward:
Online shopping while at work.
Making a shot book.
How much I love watching Dance Moms no matter how terrible of a concept it may be.
When people find out my favorite animal is a Whooly Mammoth.
My background at work.
Being so sore from workouts that you moan any time you bend over. Also, it takes you a mere 15 seconds to bend over and then stand back up.
How often I have to pee at work. I should just move my desk into the bathroom. Goodness I drink a lot of water.
Calling someone by the wrong name
Not being able to kick a soccer ball. It's been a rough week.
Accidentally sending the wrong number for a potential client to a colleague. Oops.
Having a guy trainer, who played in the NFL. He is big and scary.
Speaking of my trainer, I workout with him at 6:30AM, so I obviously look my utmost best.

Awesome:

This upcoming weekend. I get to see my best friends down in Kentucky; it has been too long. 21 BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!
Making a shot book. (yep, it holds the awk/awsm double standard).
Feeling in shape.
And getting in shape with HP
Retail therapy.
My brother getting a job at Kroger and hooking me up with fuel points.
Gifts from bests.
Losing 5 pounds. Only 10 more to go until I reach my goal.
Sushi. Need I say more?
Actually yes I do need to elaborate on that, mango sushi roll. OHEMGEE! Love at first bite.
Fruit. Mango, peaches, strawberries, and grapefruit especially.
Learning so much from the graphic designer I am working with. I want to be just like her when I grow up.
Lumineers on Pandora radio.
SHAVED ICE! Holy shit.

June 20, 2012

We Are Young.


I often wish that I could forever be at one age. Quite frequently I want to go back in time so that I could be a kid again, having no responsibilities, no job, and not worrying about anything but running out of Lisa Frank pencils. Gah! Lisa Frank, she is was the bomb. Summertime felt like it came around every decade and it was a time of pure bliss. Summer when I was little was the best time of my life and it was something I looked forward to every year. I suppose that I still look forward to summer break coming around, but it is not even near to the same thing. Now a days I pray just to make it to summer break because that means I survived yet again another semester of exams. Then once the dream of a perfect, lazy summer wears off, I am brought back to reality. I begin working what feels like countless hours in an office and any free time I do have, I am completing workout regiments and soccer drills to get ready for the season come fall. I have grown up, and I don't like it. My day consists of working, working out, eating, and sleeping. I no longer have absolute fun like I used to. I would give anything to go back to the summer of my freshman year of high school. I was rebellious, wild, free, and eager to grow up. What was I thinking? I didn't really have a summer job then, unless you count babysitting. I was able to do whatever I wanted. I could stay out late, sleep into the afternoon, lay by the pool, sneak out, party, and do other crazy things that kids like me do. Summer then was perfection, it was ideal. Now, I dread the mornings because they lead me nowhere but to work.


Then sometimes I just say to myself, fuck it. Sorry to those who may be offended by that. But seriously, fuck it. Fuck going to work early, fuck soccer training, and fuck doing nothing at night because of my day in the office. I am still a young kid, but I am acting like I am married with kids. I need to let loose and have a little fun, just like I used to before the word "responsibility" really set in. The crazy shit that I have done, those are the best memories and I want to make more of them. I want to be out late for nights on end, I want to show up to work in the morning with a hangover, I want to lay by the pool all day long, I want to drive back roads late at night while listing to my music a little too loud. I want to be untamed and free. I mean, I am a kid; it's my time to do it.

Oh. And yeah, I am writing this while sitting in my desk at work.

June 7, 2012

I Run.

I run to lose,
I run to gain.
I run to be alone,
I run to be with others.
I run to think about everything,
I run to put the past behind.
I run to be fierce,
I run to be in shape.
I run for sanity,
I run for happiness.
I run to be limitless,
I run to push myself.
I run to get faster,
I run to be stronger.
I run to explore new places,
I run to be outside.
I run to sweat,
I run for the shower after.
I run to ease my mind,
I run to leave thoughts behind.
I run to compete with others,
I run to test myself.
I run to get away,
I run to clear my head.
I run for that late night desert,
I run to be healthy.
I run to break in new shoes,
I run to wear out the old ones.
I run to feel the pain,
I run to feel the numbness.
I run to reach more distances,
I run to set new goals.
I run to embrace the silence,
I run to listen.
I run to feel alive,
I run because I can.

June 1, 2012

Upstream Without A Paddle.

I am sitting here at work, trying to get in a little blog time. I consider my blog time as like some who take smoke breaks. This is my smoke break, welcome to the smoking room. Anyways, I am want to inform you all that this is my only way of communication internet wise. Yes, I still don't own a smart phone, but I don't really mind. A phone is for calling and texting and that is it...right? Okay great. Also, I practically killed my computer last night. I pretty much just curled up in the fetal position and cried myself to sleep. I am hopefully getting it fixed today, so wish me luck! Should I cross my fingers? I never can decide if I find that to be helpfully lucky or not.

May 14, 2012

Transitioning From Kentucky To Home.

So, I know I have been gone for practically half a month. With my life completely flipped upside down, blogging was not first on my list to worry about. I shall share with you over the next couple of posts of what I have been up to. As for this post, I am going to briefly discuss my second year of college. Boy, I can't believe it has already flown by...
This was the first year I played soccer at this school (since I transferred). I love my team, I love my girls. We are practically one big family. I am so happy that I have had the opportunity to meet these lovely ladies. They have changed my life forever.
 I love this girl right here. She is my partner in crime, my other half, my best friend, my future roommate. She cracks me up and we swear that we were sisters separated at birth; we understand each other. She is a wonderful person that is full of laughs and has a huge heart. If I ever need anything, she is the one I go to. I couldn't imagine this year without her.
These two beautiful girls are my two Bests that I am always babbling about here on this blog. My apologizes for the blurriness. They are my rock, my sanity, and are the ones that pull me back up. I don't know where I would be without them. We have had too many laughs and memories. Even though we are miles away, we can always come back together. I love these two and I am so lucky to have friends like them.
These last two pictures are of my best gal pals down in Kentucky. I love them more than words can justify. We are always together. They have helped me grow so much since being away in college and have made the transfer a breeze. They have become life long friends.

I have always believed that Sophomore is the worst year because, you are not longer a freshman and you are not really and upperclassman where you actually have your shit together (okay no one has their shit together). You are just kind of stuck. This year, however, has helped me grow as a person. I wouldn't take back this year for anything. I am going to miss being home away from these great people I have met and those that have become friends. Junior year has a lot to live up to.