October 16, 2012

Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Steel Magnolias

In occasion of the new Lifetime attempted remake of Steel Magnolias and my obsession with reading the EINTKILF from HelloGiggles, I decided to share what Steel Magnolias has taught me. Growing up, the older women (grandmother, mother, aunts, exc.) would watch this at every family gathering that had a television set available. It was beat into my head as a small child that this is the ultimate chick flick. Me having only one fixation at the time could have cared less to watch some movie that always ended the same, a swarm of women crying. As I grew older, I was sucked into watching it and soon enough it became my favorite movie. I learned a lot from those six women with the thick, southern drawl. Now I may or may not be guilty of watching Steel Magnolias multiple times a day. Oh, my fixation was Barney by the way. I have made a major improvement since then.

1.  You cannot remake Steel Magnolias.
First and foremost, I was utterly appalled when I first heard about the remake. I wanted to cry, actually I may have cried. The original cast was a recipe for success with the actress lineup. I mean with Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Julia Roberts, Daryl Hannah, and Olympia Dukakis all wrapped in one movie, they set the bar high for anyone who wanted to think about remaking it. You go Herbert Ross. Basically it needs to be a written law that no one can remake Steel Magnolias. Nice try Lifetime. Better luck next time remakers.

2.  Pink is every girl’s signature color.
Who would have thunk it, there is a difference between blush and bashful? I guess women to have an eye for color. Whether you like the color pink or not, hues of pink are satisfying to the eye and compliment well. Even if you don't like the color, I bet you look good in it. Don't you? Just don’t dress like you hosed yourself down with Pepto-Bismol, unless that is the style you are going for.

3.  All gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
This is true, on all accounts. If you beg to differ, then you’re wrong. Mark, Rick, or Steve lied to you. They’re gay. Think about it, do they have track lighting? Yep, thought so.

4.  Lycra is your friend.
If you plan on wearing something tight, I am begging you to throw on some spandex. It just sucks everything in and holds it in place. You will thank me later when the pictures are posted online. Also, give a big thanks to Dolly Parton for teaching those her ways. You're welcome.

5.  Cakes shaped like animals are cool.
Seriously though. Cakes are the new fad these days. The weirder they are, the bolder they look, the better. Nothing beats out the #1 spot for most original than an armadillo grooms cake. A cake with gray icing and red innards just screams for awesomeness. I want one at my wedding. That is only IF I find a man that will put up with my uncanny character. Yeah probably not gonna happen, I am forever alone. But that is okay. I will just call up Aunt Fern to deliver an armadillo cake to every wedding I attend. Consider it as a gift.

6.  Mothers want nothing more than their children to be happy.
This is true. Mothers have an indescribable bond with their daughters. No other relationship can match it. Moms even love you during your adolescent middle school days, where no one likes you and you don’t even like yourself. This movie portrayed the mother-daughter relationship to a T. Way to go Sally Field. Spoiler Alert – When Julia Roberts gets admitted into the hospital, Sally Field never leaves her side because she is afraid that she may wake up, maybe even just for a minute, and she won’t be there to hold her hand. Mega-Spoiler-Alert – Then after Julia Robert’s funeral (My heart will bear a gapping hole the day Julia Roberts and that smile passes) Sally Field is overcome with grief and realization of the loss of her daughter and I just sob with her. I look like a 5 year old that just had her favorite Barbie ran over by a semi. Mothers are always prepared to go first. I couldn’t fathom the feeling of losing a child. Steel Magnolias always reminds me that a great woman has raised me. Much love Mom.

7.  Big hair-dos resembled football helmets.
I am sorry 80s fashion. You did this to yourself. I am sure years from now I will look back at my hair now and say, “What was I thinking?” But at least I can say that my hair never resembled a football helmet. You can’t get much worse than that can you? Nope, didn’t think so. On the contrary, Sally Field, you rocked that brown football helmet. Own that up do, girl.

8.  People will love you, regardless.
Just look at Shirley MacLaine. She may be the grouchiest woman that has ever roamed the earth and puts us all to shame with her everlasting PMS cycle, but she still has friends that love her. She comes in a close tie with Sally Field for my favorite character of the film. One of my favorite lines of the whole move is in regards of her oh so sassy personality – “Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today, you run over a small child or something?” I totally have my Ouiser-esque days, and I am not ashamed of it. Just keep this in mind, if you ever think that no one cares for you, think twice, they do. If the feeling of loneliness still persists, maybe you should turn down the bitch-o-meter a bit. If you still have no one that loves you, and you are saying to yourself right now, “I am not a bitch.” News flash, you are. Get over yourself. No one likes a bitch, unless you’re Shirley MacLaine as Ouiser Boudreaux.

9.  Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
In all honesty, I had zero clue who Anne Boleyn was prior to watching this film. Lets face it; the film was released before I was even a fragment of an imagination to my parents. But at least after watching it, I learned a great fact that could help me out with future trivia questions. Watch out Jeopardy! 

10.   “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”
We have been told this all our life, whether it was in relation to death, school, breakups, or whatever else calls for the slogan. It’s true, no matter how low we may be; keep on pushing because there is nowhere to go but up. In the end, it will only make you wiser. So, if there is ever a time where you feel the urge to throw in the towel, don’t. You will over come the predicament at hand.

Steel Magnolias is a classic chick flick that will always reign as a top movie pick for myself. These women taught me valuable lessons that I would have otherwise longed without. Thank you. I will automatically judge someone on their opinion of the movie, which means, if you hate SM, I hate you. Get it? My future hubby will have to fully accept me watching this film on a regular basis, if not, you're as dead to me as armadillos grooms cake.

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