August 10, 2012

This Past Summer.

"Change, more than anything else, is what the human mind fears the most"

This past summer, this unbelievable, dream of a summer, has sadly come to a close. I thank those who took part into making this summer fabulous. I will forever remember days spent out on the boat, late night sushi, memories in the city, time spent with friends, and much more. I have loved this summer and I am sad for it to end, though I am ready to go back to school.

But, leaving the summer behind is a form of growing up. The night before I left to go back to school, I had a slight breakdown (thankfully Nick was there to calm my nerves). Time finally caught up to me and made me realize how much life has changed, how much I have changed. I was leaving home to more into an apartment, making it my last night at home. My last night in my own bed, my last night with my family, my last night with my friends. However, the only thing I could bring myself to do, was to sulk in my bed and cry. I knew this year was going to be so much different from the rest. I was now, officially on my own, I left my nest. My mom is now in the process of changing my childhood room into a room for my youngest brother. My pink room will be turned into some boyish color with a new boy-like bed spread and all of my pictures, earnings, and trophies will be removed from the walls and shelves. It is no longer my room, I no longer have my place.

I am leaving behind my home, my best friend, and my boyfriend. My best friend will be leaving for Spain at the end of the month for 10 months, and I have not yet come to terms with that. I will be missing her 21st birthday and she will be missing mine. I won't be able to send her random texts, discuss HP life lessons, phone her when I need some clarity, or bid her off when she is leaving for the biggest adventure of her life thus far. Please don't take me the wrong way, because I am unbelievably happy and excited for her. It is going to be such an experience and she is going to love every moment of it. Spain is where she is supposed to be. Maybe she will even find a Spain boy out there (I hope she does, she deserves a great boy). It just sucks to be away from your best friend for that long, I am already dreading it and she hasn't even left yet.

Coming to terms with all I am leaving behind I hit a wall running at full speed. I was put in my place, the place where you realize you are growing up and you can't stop it. I don't want to grow up. I am not ready to give over my room, I am not ready for my best friend to leave for Spain, and I am not ready to be away from my boyfriend. I am not ready to be away from Nick, to test our relationship. I liked summer, I liked where we were. This summer taught us a lot about ourselves and each other. He is one of the most beautiful beings I have ever grown to know. I love this boy, not only as my boyfriend, not only as a friend, but I love him as a person. He has changed and shaped me in ways I have never thought were possible. His patience and heart, is something I admire most about him. I know that things between us will be stretched and tested while I am in school. Especially since right now being the busiest time of my life, considering I am a fall collegiate athlete with a full class load and a job. But I know that must there ever be a time where I am having doubt, second thoughts, insecurities, he will be there to pick me up and clear my head and I will forever be thankful for that. I will forever be thankful for him.

I am trying to come to terms with letting go of things you cannot change: life. Life is forever changing and there is no stopping it; it's a constant moving train with no place to get off. It hurts to grow, it hurts to accept change, and anybody who tells you it doesn't, lied. Sometimes, the more you change, the more things stay the same, and sometimes, change is everything.

1 comment:

  1. I just cried. I love you and we're both going to have good years!

    ReplyDelete